Sometimes comfort zones as good and safe as they may feel hinder us, keep us playing small and limit us. But what really are comfort zones, how do they keep us small, and how to get unstuck when you find yourself stuck in your comfort zones.
Comfort zones aren’t really a bad thing right? I mean they fit and feel good like your favorite old sweatshirt right? They are comfortable, cozy, and fit you just right. What’s bad about that? Well, that depends on your perspective. I looked up a few different references to get a really clear picture.
Merriam-Webster defines it as the temperature range within which one is comfortable; the level at which one functions with ease and familiarity. This feels like you walk into the house and the setting is just right.No arguing about overturning the thermostat up or down. For me this is important. I hate being cold. I prefer hot over cold any day. But I’d rather be just right. Functioning with ease and familiarity feels like a job that you know well, and maybe can even do with your eyes closed. No stress you have things running on autopilot and you are coasting.
Something about this definition didn’t sit quite right with me, I felt I needed to dig a little deeper to get the clarity that I was seeking.
According to Cambridge Dictionary, it is a situation in which you feel comfortable and in which your ability and determination are not being tested. They also defined it as a situation in which you feel comfortable and you do not have to do anything new or difficult. Now we are getting somewhere. This feels like when you have hit your plateau in your weight release journey and are questioning why; when you know you have been running on the treadmill or lifting the same about of weight for a month or more.
The reality is we are human, which means our egos are big. Most of us like comfort in our lives. We actually build our entire lives around the notion of being comfortable. We go to school to get an education and multiple degrees so we can obtain good jobs, with good benefits so that we can comfortably afford a house that we like, and drive the car that we want. We are ultimately working to live a life that we are comfortable with where we don’t struggle much and feel like we are in control. We build our lives to have so much comfort we can get from work, and home without even thinking. Many people today are building their homes to be smart, the idea of Alexa or Google Home being able to start the coffeemaker, unlock the door, turn on the lights, read the news to us, and remind us of what we need to do during the day all while we are sitting on the couch….the joys of comfort. We are literally building everything around us to be comfortable.
Sometimes these comfort zones can keep us safe. We spent the beginning part of the pandemic being told that it was only safe to be around those that were in our bubbles. We would joke, about people not being in the bubble so we couldn’t be around them. For many people, this became the only source of feeling safe. I can admit I was one of those people. It took a while before I was willing to be around people that were not inside my bubble. My bubble was my comfort zone.
More often than not our comfort zone that makes us feel safe is really only an illusion. It’s actually keeping us stuck, playing small, and not leveling up to the next thing that is waiting for us.
Cassandra Alexis
I have the most comfortable couch. It’s a big grey sectional that sucks you in, to the point that I have a friend who whenever she comes to town she claims the couch. She can have an entire room, with a queen size bed all to herself and she would rather sleep on the couch. Not only would she rather sleep on the couch she has the full sectional to herself and she stays in the same spot every single time. Not venturing out to see if maybe she might like the middle or the side with the chaise lounge more. She is comfortable right where she is on the same part of the couch she has always been on. This couch has moved from place to place and her spot is still the same no matter the location. I can’t lie the couch is comfortable. I have wasted many days with plans of creativity, productivity, goals, and to-do lists being accomplished to have them go down the drain because I got too comfortable on the couch with Netflix and didn’t want to get up. When I finally get the motivation to get up, I am smacked dead in the face with the feeling of all that I didn’t get done, the realization that now I will have to do more the next day, or just feeling disappointed with myself.
This is what staying in our comfort zones for too long does to us. Yes, I said staying in them too long. There is nothing wrong with being in a comfort zone. For one that spot was once uncomfortable. The old sweatshirt and couch were once new, stiff, and unfamiliar.It took some work, some wear before they became comfortable.
You might even say at one point they were a challenge. That job that you can do with your eyes closed you had to start your first day at some point. The first time you stepped onto that treadmill to run at your current speed at first it was a struggle. Second comfort zones can build our confidence. You know that you know that you are great at your job and maybe feel have a sense of job security because of this. That workout you know that you make it through it and do not look like you need to have oxygen on standby.
However, if you stay there too long you become STUCK! Stuck is far from safe. Ask anyone that has been stuck in a pile of snow, or had their car stuck in a flood of water on the road. Safe is the last thing you feel. But this is what happens when we allow that place of comfort, ease, and familiarity to become the norm and our standard.
Comfort zones keep us from growing, facing our fears, spreading our wings, and seeing just how far we can fly. This doesn’t mean that sometimes when you spread your wings to fly you fall. You just might. BUT know you know what won’t work for the next time that you get back up and try again.
Let’s look at your career and your business. If you never get out of your comfort zone and keep only doing your job, or what is familiar you will have no idea that you can get that promotion, or a new customer or client. You will never know just how far you could actually get or what you could accomplish. There could be an entirely new role where you like the work more, the team better, and make even more money than you do currently to further help aid in your comfortable lifestyle. The same applies to being an entrepreneur. This can be a scary business anyway so you can’t afford to become stuck and comfortable; your comfortable lifestyle depends on it. You could be an arm’s reach away from landing the client of your dreams, tripling your reach and brand awareness.
This mindset also applies to your home life. So many marriages and relationships have been damaged or ended altogether because one or both became comfortable. When this happens you start taking each other for granted and not appreciating one another. It may start off small with a forgotten thank you, a missed date night because you think the person will be ok with it or it’s no big deal. And this becomes a habit and over time one person may not feel seen or prioritized. That’s not to say that there isn’t any room for exceptions but when the exceptions start to become the rule you can be headed for trouble.
So what do you do if you find yourself stuck in your comfort zone? Start small and go slow. If you try to go too big or too fast at first you may find yourself right back in your comfort zone or worse going a step or two back behind your comfort zone.
