Do You Have Capacity?

Have you ever found yourself saying, “I don’t have the capacity to deal with this right now”? Or alternatively, have you ever thought to yourself, “if one more thing gets added to my plate I’m gonna snap, crackle and pop”? Well… welcome to the Maximum Capacity Club!!!

As black women, many of us are running around at what I call ‘Maximum Capacity’ and it’s directly tied to the ‘Strong Black Woman Syndrome’.

When I say capacity, I’m talking about the amount of time and energy available to handle all the moving pieces in your busy life. Specifically, the numerous hats you wear and the countless competing priorities you juggle on a daily basis. Between being “the one” in your family and friend circles that everyone can and does lean on, to being the “one” at work who makes things happen no matter how many other items are on your top priority list. Being everything to everybody Wears. You. Out.

Now when I say ‘Strong Black Woman Syndrome’, I’m referring to how black women are perceived and expected to be able to ‘do it all’. This includes being responsible for raising children, caring for parents, managing a career and being there for everyone, except for themselves. And if you add being married or in a relationship to the mix, that leaves even less capacity to add ourselves to that growing list of priorities.

After being forced to take time off from work in order to save my life, I realized that something had to change not only in how I operated but also for the millions of other women fighting the same fight.

Not only is this syndrome of self-sacrifice apparent in society, unfortunately, it’s also glorified. How many times have you heard “Thank you for being so flexible,” or, “I don’t know what I would do if you weren’t able to help out”. I’m sure it’s more than you can count on your fingers and toes combined. This glorification and praise for being the “end all, be all” has many of us running around mentally exhausted, emotionally detached and physically ill – operating beyond maximum capacity and on fumes.

I am speaking to you from personal experience. As a wife, mother of two, and leader with over a decade of corporate human resources under my belt, I secretly struggled with having too much on my plate and living at maximum capacity. So much so, that in 2019, it landed me right in ICU with my organs shutting down due to the amount of stress that I was under in my personal and professional life. After being forced to take time off from work in order to save my life, I realized that something had to change not only in how I operated but also for the millions of other women fighting the same fight.

As a Capacity Coach, I want to share a few telltale signs that you might be operating at maximum capacity, as well as 3 practical ways you can increase your capacity after reading this article.

Signs You’re at Max Capacity

Chances are that you have been running on ‘E’ for longer than you can remember, which makes it that much more difficult to recognize that you’re literally giving from an empty cup. The world normalizing #teamnosleep and equating being busy with being successful are just two reasons you can thank for this disconnect. Here are the top 5 signs that you’re likely at max capacity.

• You Have Zero Focus. No matter how many times you write out your ‘to-do list’, and regardless how much time you block out on your calendar, when you’re at maximum capacity, your mental capacity, which the ability to think clearly, is severely impacted. It shows up as scatter brain, shiny object syndrome, or rumination.
• Your Sleep is Off. If you wind down before bed or take supplements like melatonin to help, yet you still have trouble falling and staying asleep, you’re probably at max capacity. According to womenshealth.gov, one in four women suffer from insomnia symptoms, which is largely due to the fact that a woman’s brain is always ‘on’.
• You Have No Energy. If you get the recommended 8 to 10 hours of sleep, eat healthily, take vitamins and do all the things you can to increase your energy, but nothing works, Houston we have a problem. This is one of the most common and overlooked signs because we chalk it up to how many hours we’ve worked or how busy we’ve been.
• You’re Easily Irritated. Even on a good day, the littlest thing can tip you off. From the co-worker who is late to the zoom meeting to your child who asked you one too many questions after you’ve just closed your laptop. In this space, your feathers are easily ruffled, and this is the version of you that shows up both personally and professionally if gone unchecked. Being at max capacity keeps you feeling on edge and frustrated because there is so much swirling around in your brain that you aren’t able to handle even the smallest bit of frustration. Isolation is the Norm. If you are normally a social butterfly (pre-COVID), and enjoy basking in the ambiance of fellow sister-friends, but realize that as of late, you can’t remember the last time you talked to or saw someone outside of your household, it could be your capacity. As “the one” we tend to tell ourselves “I’ll figure it out” which results in you consulting with you and only you to get a solution to whatever the problem is. Part of this is because we feel like we don’t want to burden anyone else with our problems.

Now that you have a better idea of what maximum capacity looks like, allow me to provide you with some tips on getting your capacity together.

• Write it Out. I know that you are really good at sorting through and compartmentalizing everything in your head, but do you how many thoughts run through our heads on a daily basis? Between 12,000 – 60,000. Yeah, that’s what I said too! So, while you think you may have it all mapped out, actually writing out your to-do list will help you get organized and determine your priorities.
• Prioritize Self-Care. I’m not talking about bubble baths, massages, and facials. Self-care is an inside job and requires you to choose YOURSELF on a daily basis, regardless of being in the boardroom or at the kitchen sink. It’s a commitment to do what is best for you, instead of those around you, so that you can give from an overflow rather than depletion. Even if it means taking the first five to ten minutes of the day to be still or not booking meetings after 4:00PM. Your ‘to-do’ list is built around you as the priority, so you have the capacity to show up in excellence.
• Check your Boundaries. Being mentally and emotionally exhausted are directly linked to how our capacity is filled. Namely because the lax we are with boundaries, we say yes to everybody and everything, regardless of what we need. It can be due to patterns you saw growing up or maybe you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Either way, setting and enforcing boundaries is one of the quickest ways to increase your capacity.

If you’d like to check your capacity, take advantage of my free Capacity Calculator at https://bit.ly/FreeCapacityCalculator.