On the surface it seems like an odd idea that you could actually be anything other than who you really are. But from the moment we could talk, we were being programmed to “fit in”. We find ourselves conforming in order to please the people we love, and those who love us.
But sometimes that means that you have to suppress who you know is the real person inside; and yet, your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you’ll ever have. Without a healthy relationship with yourself, it’s practically impossible to have healthy relationships with anyone else.
If you’re ready to get re-acquainted with someone you haven’t seen in a while – yourself – start with these 5 ideas to help you rediscover the real you.
Quiet the noise in your head.
You know these voices well, the ones that are constantly nagging you to wash the dishes in the sink, talk to the school teacher, juggle the bills, schedule the doctor appointment, keep the boss happy, make quality time with the spouse… With all that noise going on, it will be impossible for you to hear anything above the haze. This MUST be the first step. How do you do it? By setting up systems, simplifying your daily routines, and establishing enough extras in your life to allow you to operate from a position of abundance, instead of lack.
Practice positive self-talk and thoughts.
In order to do this, you must first believe that you are valuable, and your Real Self has something to offer the world. Since you talk to yourself more than everyone else in your life combined —that’s a lot of talk!— it’s up to YOU to establish healthy communication in your thoughts. Consciously listen to how you talk to yourself; write down the unhealthy things you say; challenge them; and replace them with facts. Self-Talk: “You never do anything right.” Challenge: “Of course I do things right. I did (example) right. I did (example) right. This time, I just made a mistake. I’ll learn from it and have better success next time.”
Listen to your heart.
Sounds easy enough, but by the time we’re adults, most of us have stopped listening to our hearts and go only with our minds. Those two must reconnect in order to find your real self. It’s easy to become accustomed to thinking about your feelings instead of really feeling them. Instead of asking yourself what you think about something, ask why it’s important to you.
Be careful not to get hung-up on a specific goal.
What you’re really after is a feeling — respect, love, and appreciation – as opposed to the company car, or a great man/woman. Keep an open mind to your feelings, and be willing to adjust the methods you use to achieve them. Determine not just your goals, but how it satisfies who you really are. The mask will come off and your real self will come shining through.
Accept yourself.
A person you can know and love – YOU! – is waiting for you to take the time to listen, understand, and accept. When you accept your Real Self again, you’ll make smarter choices, and those choices will stick because they actually fit who you are.
Lynnecia S. Eley is Founder & Managing Editor of Soigne’ + Swank Magazine. She is a career-driven entrepreneur, wife, and mother. Born and raised in Miami, Florida, she is an award-winning University Assistant Dean and Adjunct Professor committed to excellence, dedication, and caring for others. Known as the Confidence Doula, Lynnecia is a best-selling author and coach, a founder of Two Queens Media and Black & Ivy League, Inc. You can learn more about Lynnecia and her platforms at www.shecaninspire.com.
